“The guest of one night is like a god”

By Ulrike Cokl

One evening some Bhutanese friends and I were chatting about the charm, warmth and generosity that one experiences when visiting a village home in Bhutan. Most tourists who visit the little kingdom are on a tight schedule, moving from guesthouse to guesthouse, eating the same bland food every day. They are disconnected from local experiences of commensality and conviviality so characteristic for rural life. I decided to think about ways that would allow tourists to experience Bhutanese hospitality, blending in with local ideas of “keeping good relations”, mthun lam. Among other things, mthun lam is produced and nurtured within hospitality events that used to be characteristic for the neypo (host) network. The neypo system, with its network of host and guest relationships, formed vital links between community households across different valleys. These hosting ties spun over the entire country and even beyond its borders. Whenever villagers traveled to another valley, crossing high passes on often times dangerous journeys, they would stay with their host families – neypos. Since the early sixties however, the system has gradually dwindled due to increased socio-economic- and infrastructure development. Villagers do not have to travel to adjacent valleys any longer in order to barter, trade, beg and glean. However, the neypo system might gain momentum in homestay tourism again. A new type of traveler has emerged, the tourist, a guest from far, far away who, as Bhutanese believe, must be treated with extra care and compassion.

I met many tourists in Bhutan who would have loved to experience Bhutanese hospitality in a village home. They envisioned it as authentic, steeped in tradition, without too much outside influence. Staying on farms would also offer a little niche income to the villagers whose life is still very hard. Luckily, a wise Bhutanese tourism policy so far regulates the influx of tourists and hence prevents traditional practices from rapid transformation and erosion. However, change is inevitable, as Buddhists understand very well, based on the law of impermanence. But one might as well try and avoid the pitfalls that promote greed rather than generosity and compassion, the fundamentals of Bhutanese hospitality.

But what does Bhutanese hospitality in local homes look like? Although one might run the risk of stereotyping I will but offer a brief vignette of my own experiences when visiting one of my favourite neypos in Bumthang:

The moment I reach her house, azhim (older sister) is already waiting for me outside, with a warm smile and a palang (container) in her arms. I always treasure the first moments of our reunion, where I proudly fetch my little Bhutanese phob (cup) which then gets filled with ara (local wine). Azhim eagerly offers me the obligatory refill and often a third one follows, before I am ushered into her neat kitchen. I am offered a comfortable place on a cosy carpet in front of the window and near the warm bukhari (metal oven) as I must be tired and hungry from the long drive. Now azhim will serve more alcohol and a bit later she will bring out the milk tea (ngaja). We catch up while I am nibbling the local snacks, zao (puffed rice) and kabsey (biscuits). Meanwhile more family members and neighbours show up to welcome me and inquire about my well-being. We are all so happy to see each other again and warm words and witty jokes are being exchanged. All along, azhim has been preparing ema datshi (chili and cheese), rice and kuli (buckwheat pancake), my favorite dishes as she knows from my previous visits. After a while I hand over my chhom (gift) to her. But azhim will modestly put it aside and serve food first. “Eat, eat” she will insist whilst attentively sitting among the pots in front of me, ready to stack up my plate again and again. After all, she has to make sure that I will not go to bed with an empty stomach. It is believed that if guests go to bed hungry they might miss their home or parents in a country far, far away! The first evening my host and friends will only eat after I am finished following the traditional etiquette. Nevertheless we will still sit together afterwards with ara and tea flowing, exchanging news, joking and laughing while reminiscing about past times.